It’s been a while since I really allowed myself to play. Not just with my art but life in general. Up until recently I was working 8 hours a day at a job I disliked then spent the rest of my day working around the house or working on myself. I lost touch with the magic of life and found myself doubting whenever someone would say believe in yourself. I knew I needed to add play back in to my day and yet did nothing about it except beat myself up for not playing. That can go on for only so long before something has to give. This time, instead of letting it break me (get sick/hurt), I chose to play.
What I really wanted was to go somewhere like Disneyland. However with this year as it is, that option is not available. So for the moment I’m playing with paint.
Typically when I create art, something has called out to me to be birthed. When that happens I have a set outcome in mind, sometimes I even see the fully finished product. The past few days I haven’t been doing that. Instead I am just letting go and letting the paints guide me. I have no idea on what I will make, maybe a color or two but that’s about it.
It didn’t feel comfortable at first because, to be honest, I don’t always like stepping into the unknown and trusting the process.
And yet here I am living that exact statement!
Seriously, how many people are quitting their jobs during the middle of a pandemic, just before a major national election. How many are starting to live their life on their terms even if they have no idea how it is going to turn out?
Well, I’m finding out there are actually there are quite a few of us.
Anyway, my paintings the past few days have been a lesson in letting go the pressure of doing and moving into the moment of being. Yep, that’s how I want to live.
I am turning it into a practice of wonderment.
Like, I wonder what would happen if I use these two items together or this color and that one. I wonder what happens if I don’t wait for this layer to dry before adding this media on top.
I’ve been working with mixed media art for about 7 years however I am discovering I still have a lot to learn. So instead of fretting about making a “mistake” I am letting myself play, be like a child, learn what doesn’t work and marvel at what does. It’s allowing me to become more in tune with my intuition, to trust more what is coming to me for me.
I’ve had a few pieces really speak to me.
The colors are about:
- Blue – Communication
- Green – Abundance & Growth
- Orange – Creativity
- Yellow – Will/Determination
- Pink – Unconditional Love
- Purple – Spirit/Forgiveness
As I played with colors, words came to me. They called out for me to drop the mask, be who I am. To live my life according to my dreams not anyone else’s. They are telling me what my heart and soul wants me to, no, needs me to hear.
I have a feeling, some of you may need to hear this too:
Trust In The Process, no matter how messy or how difficult it may appear.
Trust because it will all work out at the end.
And as the saying goes:
If it hasn’t worked out yet, well, you’re not at the end.
This year has been a space of Growth.
Growth is messy and uncomfortable. It can be painfully slow or feel way too fast and is never ending until the end.
So if we’re still growing, you guessed it, we’re not at the end.
Speak Your Truth
I’ve struggled with this one most of my life and continue to work on it. When I was younger I didn’t feel comfortable speaking my truth. I look back and see I felt abandoned/rejected because people didn’t understand my perspective. I felt out of place and after a while I stopped sharing. Because of that I started holding onto the belief that I didn’t have anything worthy to share.
It took me a long time to work through that belief and start speaking up. I have to remind myself though from time to time that it is safe for me to speak my truth. That I DO have something worthy to share. Just because we’ve worked through a major block in our life doesn’t mean it doesn’t come back. We will revisit it again from a new perspective, sometimes we can move on past other times we may have to work on it again by digging a little deeper.
Now why should we Speak Our Truth?
Spirit told me, “The song is not complete without your voice.”
I interpret this as not just the world but all of existence is incomplete without you and what you bring.
So for me that means sharing my authentic self, sharing my experiences, art, stories and inner wisdom so others can learn and grow. For you it may mean something completely different only you will know when you connect with your heart and dig deep within.
This is a reminder that everything I need is within my reach. When I need something all I need to do is to ask, believe it is there, open my heart and mind to receive it and let go any expectations on how it should look.
Believe in Yourself
Ah yes, believe in yourself. All of the above comes down to this one statement, Believe In YOURSELF.
When you believe in yourself you are standing in your power and that is where the magic begins.
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