It amazes me how Spirit helps us to face our fears. Recently I have been trying to work thru some of my fears. I have been running from these fears for so long I’ve blanked out what they are about. Last week and the week before I asked Spirit to help me work thru them during my sleep. Each morning I would wake up and remember similar aspects in my dreams. Each dream dealt with water in one form or another. For those who may not know, water represents emotions. In my dreams I would come across a body of water in the middle of my path. Now these weren’t small bodies of water, oh no, these were oceans or raging rivers. Almost every dream involved me, a friend and a guide or someone giving direction to help us out. Sometimes I would see the water and immediately turn around, other times my companion or I venture slightly into it. In the end though I would always turn away, no, run away in fear. In the mornings I was a bit frustrated as I knew I was afraid to face it in my waking hours and thought I might be stronger in my sleep when I might be more connected to my spirit. Alas, that was not to happen.
A few days ago I started writing a short story that is quickly becoming a short novel. I have an idea where parts of it is headed but this evening it took me in a direction I didn’t expect. I found the direction uncomfortable and I started to resist. I could really feel the emotion I’ve been trying to avoid rise up within me. I already knew this story was loosely based on aspects of my soul but I just wasn’t prepared for this emotional confrontation. I did all I could do to avoid it, even though I knew I needed to face it. I found myself asking, “Really, does this really need to happen?” Yeah, like I could wave a magic wand and make it disappear. I skirted around the subject but knew that wasn’t the end of it, it will weave itself back into the story later down the road. Funny thing is, I know the character will be ok. The first day I started writing I knew she would go thru tremendous experiences and grow stronger and wiser because of them but I forgot all that tonight because it wasn’t the character experiencing this anymore but me. I was the one having to face the fear and again I chose not too. Instead of beating myself up over it (ok, I beat myself up for a moment or two) I decided to write about the experience, to share it with others so they can know they aren’t alone.
Sometimes we can let our fears grip us so tightly we are afraid to face them and let them go. We can easily beat ourselves up for running away. We forget there is beauty in trying, even if we aren’t able to fully face our fears. The beauty is that you did face your fear. It may have been only for a nanosecond but you did. Each time you try you will face it a little longer and feel a little stronger, because, in each experience YOU are taking a piece of your power back! And that grip your fear had on you, it is loosening and falling away.